I don't think this article is going to be about sex and the Karma Sutra, so if that is what you thought when you started reading, let me apologise now - I hear you groaning with disappointment - well OK then, perhaps just a little bit about sex. We'll see.
 
Remember when you were at the beginning of that great romance and it was so exciting? You felt overwhelmed by feelings, your emotional bank account together was at an all time high, and you thought you were madly in love... Let me explain.
Emotional Bank Accounts are set up the instant you meet someone. If the interaction is positive - you make a deposit. If it is negative - you make a withdrawal.
 
The more time you spend meeting the other person's needs, the greater the account grows. (See my article 'Making Perfect Marriages' for the list of guys and girls' needs) The greater the balance in the account, the more you feel you must marry this person. Of course if you are always arguing or criticising one another, the emotional bank account will quickly end up in overdraft and the great romance will fizzle out.
 
So many couples come to counselling and say they don't feel as though they love their partner any more. Invariably they thought they were madly in love when they first got together, so what changed?
 
When I ask them what makes them feel loved, I get a variety of answers that describe the language of love..
 
Acts of service 
"When he/she does little things for me or around the house."
It could be as simple as putting out the rubbish, washing the dishes, making a cup of tea.
 
Physical touch
"When he/she kisses, cuddles, makes love to me."
There you go, a bit about sex. Don't forget the non sexual hugs though.
 
Gift giving
"When he/she gives me a gift."
This doesn't have to be expensive - a flower picked from the garden and put in a vase works well, of course if you can afford it, girls love diamonds as well, and he'll adore that new watch. :-)
 
Words of encouragement
"When he/she says nice things."
Sincere compliments, admiration, appreciation, 'I love you...' The biggest killer of relationships is the put down or criticism.
 
Quality time 
"When he/she spends time talking or going out with me."
During the courtship stage, couples seem to have no trouble talking to or dating each other. Don't let your busy lives take over and rob you of this part of loving.
 
Oddly enough, the couples usually do love each other; they just don't get the feelings of love very often any more. On further discussion we usually find that one partner feels loved through one way and the other partner feels it through another.
They aren't speaking the same language!
 
It takes a concerted effort to learn another 'language' but if the couple really wants to save their marriage, they have to do it. They have to find out what language of love their partner 'speaks' and then mirror it back to them so that their partner feels loved. They will also need to deliberately meet the other partner's needs in order to rebuild their respective emotional bank accounts. This way they will have a much happier marriage.
 
Please note, in order to have the best success with implementing the advice in this article, it pays to have both partners read and understand what you are going to be doing. You don't want to make her suspicious guys, if you suddenly start doing things like buying her flowers and chocolates, after years of nothing but grizzles. She'll probably think you've got a guilty conscience about something and wonder if you are having an affair!
 
All the best.
 
Michelle MacKinnon Author on SearchWarp! Free to join. Click the icon and become part of a great writing community.
 
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Michelle MacKinnon was born in New Zealand, in 1957 and she lives with her husband in Palmerston North. In 2008 she published a double award winning novel called Escape from Eden and in 2009 she published an award winning children's picture book called Bluebell Mary. Michelle has seven children, three adopted and four by birth. Since her training as a General and Obstetric nurse, Michelle has been involved in many different vocations from beekeeping, alternative medicine, and hobby farming, to accounting, marketing, and voluntary counselling. Writing has been a lifelong passion and in 2008 she completed a Graduate Diploma in Creative Writing at the Whitireia Polytechnic in Wellington, New Zealand.
http://www.michellemackinnon.com